...a new day...

"Hummingbird Pond" (in progress)

After a few weeks of my life being a bit shaky,  I'm inspired. I'm inspired to make more art, help a friend in need, connect with strangers, see what I can do to make a difference in the world.  I realized the other day when listening to Obama's inaugural speech, that I've always been afraid to step forward, to really embrace what I have to give, or express my truths to a world perhaps unwilling to accept them. Or perhaps I have had fleeting moments of such empowerment, but was afraid to walk my talk, to put my ideas into action.  So while I'm a bit pmsy, tired, overwhelmed even, I'm also feeling a momentum stirring within me that invites me to leap across barriers and begin to live in a way that truly opens my heart, welcomes challenges, and gives me the opportunity to be vivacious, playful, outspoken, and authentically me. 

So I'm coming back to my blog, atleast once a week, even if only for snippets... a photograph of what lies on my kitchen table, a work in progress, a random thought, a quote from someone I adore, my daughter's homework, a letter to our new beautiful president, a page from my journal... whatever I feel inspired to send out into the universe...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? . Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

...intentions...

"Warrior"           Copyright 2008 Lisa J. Rough

Happy New Year, everyone!  

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to listen in on a conference call with songwriter, Christine Kane regarding the unstoppable power of intention.  You know, this is the time of year that many of us are obsessed with resolutions...  but the problem with resolutions is that we set our expectations so high, focusing mostly on what we want to improve or want more of or less of.  What I realized yesterday in listening to Christine is how this really belittles our sense of self and our sense of personal power.  I can't count how many times I've set myself up for failure in this way.  To put it simply, resolutions are all about getting...  getting a better job, getting more money, getting thinner, etc. etc...  and they truly negate the fact that we are capable of creating what truly elevates us.  I don't mean this in a new-agey, hoo hoo way, although, I must admit that I am a true believer that we can manifest a great many things if we set our minds and our hearts to it...  no, what I'm talking about is that same force that enables us to pick up a paintbrush and create a glorious portrait (whether we realize it's glorious or not), or the same energy that inspires us to bake a loaf of homemade bread or re-tile the bathroom floor, that somehow connects us with our ability to believe in ourselves, feel supported by the universe, and make our lives what we want them to be.  

One thing I learned in the last year that really spoke to me was that yoga is a practice of ideals.  No matter how deeply grounded we are in our soulful selves, no matter how diligent or enlightened we are in our practices, or no matter now many visions we may have of gurus stirring in our spirits, the journey never ends...  there's always more to discover, there's always more to reach for, there's always more to strive for.  We are, in essence, never perfect.  What a relief, eh?  So when Christine mentioned yesterday that when we set our intention for the coming year to intend for everything, I delightedly felt as though I were back in school again, listening to my teacher Kaoverii encourage us to never stop opening up to the potential that is always wrapped around us and radiating from within us.  I thought to myself, yes, I can do this...  

Christine has shared a tradition of picking one word for the coming year that embraces an intention.  To be honest, until yesterday, I had a list of words that I just wasn't willing to part with...  but truthfully, they were loaded words...  heavy with resolutions.   It wasn't until yesterday that I discovered and captured the simplicity of MY word for 2009...  

INTEGRATION

For me, this word isn't strewn with empty promises...  it's abundant with potential.  It's magical, inspiring, and uplifting.  It doesn't remind me of what I don't have enough of or have too much of-  it simply reminds me of what I do have...  and I anticipate this coming year stepping even more into who I am embraced by my gifts, allowing for expansion rather than settling for shrinking.  So much was woken up in me during the last ten months of my yoga teacher training...  so much that since graduating at the beginning of December, I've been a bit unsure about what "should" come next...  I've been hanging out in limbo-land...  and while I have the handy excuse of my kids being home with me for a lengthy winter break, I realize that in many ways, I've been afraid to budge, to breathe in the unknown.  

This morning, after a New Year's Eve bubble bath (complete with a mud mask and the annual shaving of legs), I worked on my resume...  this is the first one I've created in the last eight years, since Zoe was born and I became a stay-at-home mom.  The funny thing is that I had forgotten about so many chapters of my story...  chapters that truly made me who I am today.   Some of the things I've done seem so foreign to me, as if I've dreamt them.  But they're me.   They're not other lives, they're this one.  They're both scraps and monumental mountains of who I am in this moment.   I can already begin to feel an honoring of each piece, as they swirl together, mingle with one another, harmonize, integrate...  and I am filled with hope for what's yet to come and who I am yet to be. 

If you could pick one word for the coming year, what would it be?  

...warrior...

a new work in progress...  

...somebody pinch me...

Yesterday, I felt as though I was hibernating… not only was I seeking alone time while recovering from a week at the beach with my family, but I was also a nervous wreck about how the election was going to unfold. I could do nothing but sit and stare into space or try to distract myself with laundry, bean soup, and kirtan.… my attempts were futile however. While I could feel something in the air that made me feel hopeful, I doubted it and wondered if soon we’d be discussing plans of heading to Canada or Costa Rica, leading me into an indescribable numbness that contrasted intensely with the vibrant fall colors outside. In a way, it was simply too scary to hope, too scary to dive into my own heart and believe, even too scary to breathe deeply… for fear that somehow I’d jinx it, or perhaps that the grief of losing would be beyond what I imagined.

Come seven o’clock, the news came on with the very first results, but after ten minutes, I could no longer stand it. I was completely engulfed in fear. So we once again sought distraction, this time from a movie. But I couldn’t watch fifteen minutes without pausing and checking in with the polls…  

Around ten, we decided to lay in bed and watch, swearing to keep the TV on all night if we had to. I was absorbed for a time, switching from one channel to another, trying to get a clear picture of where we were headed. Just as I was falling asleep, I heard as if it were a dream that Obama was declared the next president elect, and sat up in utter disbelief… not just that he had won, but that he had won with such a wide margin. Deena and I sat in silence as it all sunk in… was it real? My heart awakened once again, and I began to breathe… and then sob… and then laugh… and then hug…. I never imagined such excitement, even in the deeper knowing that this could happen. I never imagined feeling such unbelievable joy.  

We got the kids up to hear Obama’s acceptance speech, and brought out a bottle of “bubble juice” (sparkling grape juice) that we had stored away in hopes that we would be celebrating. We heard things that we never thought we’d ever hear…. and saw things we never thought we’d see. The feeling of seeming Obama when he was in Asheville was amazing, simply from being in a stadium with thousands and thousands of people who shared my concerns, my views, my hopes. But that was truly nothing compared to seeing people dancing and drumming in Kenya and weeping and smiling in the streets of Chicago, to feel that common bond not only with a stadium of folks, but with a nation, and with a world, all looking toward the same vibrant tomorrow.  

To me, it feels as though an enormous door has been opened,  and now it’s up to all of us to create what we wish to see on the other side. I know that there will be countless challenges, and that this dear man cannot save us all from our worst fears… but I do have a restored faith in the future of my children, and in the future of our world. So instead of hibernating today, I chose to dive into the electric joy that seems to be drifting in the air, and took myself on a beautiful hike up Lookout Mountain. The view was ablaze with oranges, reds, purples, and yellows… and my heart was wide open as I peered over miles and miles of splendor, allowing my perspective to shift once again to that of an eagle’s~ open, expansive and buoyant.  

What magnificence!!!!!

...expansion...

“This is one of the most exciting and inspiring times the world has seen for a very long time, perhaps ever. Let us be thrilled that change is at hand. Let us ignore our discomfort as we are forced to change horses in the middle of the stream. Let us be bold and dream big, a dream of a cooperative world where all have access to opportunity and respect, a dream where the death grip of the ruthless killing off of competition gives way to the natural cooperation seen everywhere in nature. A dream where there is uniqueness of expression like the million facets on the one and only diamond.”

~Jose Luis Stevens

I found this quote after a long chain of words and inspirations that began with magnificent songwriter, Christine Kane’s blog… it’s wonderful to get yet another perspective on what’s happening in the world right now and find expression in how it affects me personally and how I can work toward expanding rather than shrinking, trusting rather resisting, being bold rather than fearful. My yoga teacher training is drawing to a close, and with that, to be honest, I think in a way I’ve been shrinking, contracting… wondering what will be next, wondering how I will make the unknown pieces of my life fit together, not really trusting that I will be able to carry on what I’ve learned or what I feel inspired to do with it in any real way. 

The uncertainty of our country’s economical system certainly doesn’t help, bringing a slight ache to my heart as I attempt to reach forward into my dreams of creating a livable income by teaching yoga, making art, and writing in the months and years to come. I think to myself, I’ve made entrepreneurial efforts before… what makes it different this time? What makes me think that this time I can succeed? And then there’s the added pressure of making some money in the meantime, trying to live within my own means rather than leaning on others. What began as a messy personal issue is now reflected in a startling global mirror… 

But the thing is, we can see the mystery of what’s yet to come as a dark shadowy abyss, or we can see it as an open door. We can look at the world as though it’s falling apart at the seams, or we can look at it as a beautiful foundation upon which we have a glorious opportunity (and responsibility) to rebuild what we want it to look like… to expand into the far-reaching, all-encompassing potential that we each have individually and that we have together as a whole. 

...peace...

"Shanti" by Lisa Rough 

Copyright 2008

...an inspiring visit...

We spent the day at the Asheville rally with Obama yesterday… what an experience… I found my camera to be a wonderful tool in helping me to express every aspect of what I saw…  

I’ve never really considered myself a political person by any means. I always found that most politicians rubbed me the wrong way, tried to make me believe in something that wasn’t quite what I had in mind, instilled fear in me rather than hope. However, lately I find that I’ve become a politics junky… For the first time ever, a politician has expressed a very real acceptance of my family rather than tolerance, and has brought hope to a heart that was weary about the kind of world my children would face in the future. For the first time ever, I was proud to bring my children to witness history in the making, despite the long lines, the two hour wait, the sore feet, and the sun-kissed scalps. We were all deeply inspired by Obama’s words and wished we could invite him to our house for a cup of tea.

Yet at the same time, I’m also reaching for the delicate balance of honoring the fight in me, and simultaneously letting it go and honoring the stillness. I am reminded every day how different we all are, and this political campaign has brought out both the best and the worst of our society. As I write, the candidates are getting themselves ready for tomorrow’s debate, preparing to get down and dirty, intensifying smear tactics, thereby losing a sense of integrity in the battle out of necessity. It’s an interesting paradox, isn’t it? We are at a crux in our journey as a society, at a point where there is enormous potential for unity- we can catch glimpses of it everywhere- yet the climb is arduous and divisive.

I’m finding that I face the same sort of paradox as an individual as well. We can become so lost in our attachment to our desires for something better that we become immersed in dualistic thinking, the black and white, the good and bad, the right and wrong… and we lose sight of the unity that we were seeking to begin with. In yoga, we call that raga. So we learn to put our fire into our actions, fight for what we believe is “right”. On the flipside, we can fight against something so hard that our resistance to what we believe is “wrong” creates a wall, a wall that makes the stillness of peace impossible… we are enveloped in aversion, or what is called dvesa.

“Our attention, our awareness, breathes life into that which it rests upon.” 

~Rolf Gates 

Of course the state of our country and the political campaign is bound to bring up strong reactions in all of us, no matter what side we’re on… raga and dvesa live in all of us, they are part of human nature… and it is my intention in living my yoga to honor that in every person I cross paths with, no matter how much I agree or disagree with where they stand in their truths. But my goal is to be a peaceful warrior… to honor the gaps and the trenches that separate us, to stand in strength in my present reality of what I believe is for the highest good, and to consistently bring my awareness back to the hope, the integrity, and the peace that all of us, democrats and republicans, are capable of embracing.